Most of us suffer from a ‘mother wound’. In quite simple words – this is a wound that a child feels when their mother makes them feel – ‘You are not good enough’. This feeling can happen when a child is a baby, toddler, teen or even as an adult. This wound however, doesn’t show up overtly in most people but mostly covertly, in the behaviors described below. If you recognize it yourself, then perhaps you do need to do some ancestral healing.
The cause of this feeling is co-dependency. This co-dependency certainly makes sense as an infant – because an infant is completely dependent on it’s mother for survival. But even as a child grows, parents are the main and most important mirrors for a child. Mirrors meaning they show the child his/her worth, build their ego/identity and bolster them. They are the obvious safe space for the child. This role is mostly fulfilled by a mom as stereotypically, men have not been as involved in child raising (not true in all cases, of course).
Described above is the ideal case, however, most of the time we find ourselves in not so ideal situations 🙂 A mother is often stressed, oppressed and quite frankly, totally oblivious to her internal state most of the time. She might be emotionally abusive or absent, overbearing, completely self-sacrificing with zero boundaries, projecting a lot of her fears, anxieties and complexes over her child/children, overly demanding, overly victim mindset oriented, pitting one child against another or narcissistic. Another common pattern is the mother handling down to a child, all the toxic emotion that her husband might have given her. Making the child almost like a substitute for the detached husband. Again, I would like to emphasize that not all of this happens in the real world by spoken words or actions – but energetically, and a child can sense it out – at a conscious or at a subconscious level.
In which case would a mother wound not occur? It would not occur if the mother is a completely healed and a whole human in herself, who is capable of giving real ‘unconditional love’, if not always – then most of the time. This is obviously a tall order for any human.
This ‘mother wound’ can show itself in one or more of the following ways in the child’s life :
- Co-dependency, excessive neediness or excessive detachment in relationships.
- Lack of self-worth.
- Poor boundaries.
- Self-sabotaging tendencies when meeting success in life, core negative outlook (with the internal feeling that ‘I don’t deserve this’).
- People pleasing tendencies.
- Problems with accepting love. (with the internal feeling of ‘I don’t deserve this love’).
- Problems trusting others who show them love (with the internal feeling that ‘What do they want from me?’).
- Weird sexual fantasies and fetishes (especially for male child).
- Fear of abandonment and intimacy issues (with the internal feeling that ‘I don’t want to depend on anyone’) This is actually repression of feminine energies in oneself – as the feminine energies remind the adult of their mother.
- Constant comparison with others to seek validation for ourself.
- Feeling of betrayal if someone we love does something against our wishes.
How then can one heal this ‘mother’ wound? I am listing some techniques below.
- Realize that your mother was just a human – the idea of a ‘perfect mother’ is a complete oversell by society.
- Realize that your mother (who might be at least 20+ years older than you) grew up in times where she was probably not shown this unditional love as well. She might not have been shown any love actually. She is probably passing on this ‘mother’ wound – of feeling worthless or not good enough to you.
- Realize that your mother must have been fighting her own battles in a male dominated society without the proper means to get emotional help, understanding or education. She must not have any time to heal from all the emotional wounds that she had.
- Start a practice of self-love. If your mother did or does not love you unconditionally – then you do it. Love yourself unconditionally. If you have a mother who points out all of your so-called ‘flaws’ (physical or personality based), then realize that you have the power to LOVE your so-called ‘flaws’ and own them completely as a part of yourself.
- Energetic cord cutting and aura cleansing might also help.
- Hypnotherapy and childhood regression might also be helpful.
- Psychotherapy is also helpful.
- Chakras affected by this are – root chakra (Muladhar chakra), sacral chakra (Svadhishtan chakra), solar plexus chakra (Manipur chakra) and heart chakra (Anahata chakra). Work on healing these chakras.
- Get comfortable with your feminine energies of ‘being’, loving, kindness, waiting, praying, etc.
Hope this helps! Wish you all a lot of love and light 🙂